Mastering Advocacy for Yourself and Others

Jacki Lutz: 0:08

Welcome to Auto Care On Air, a candid podcast for a curious industry. I'm Jackie Lutz, content Director at the Auto Care Association, and this is Carpool Conversations, where we collaborate on today's most relevant power skills. We are all headed in the same direction, so let's get there together. Today we are talking about self-advocacy, and I'm very excited about this topic. I think it's one that every professional, no matter where you are in your walk of your career, you can benefit from this subject, and I have Stacey Miller, our VP of communications, who's technically my co-host today, but kind of an expert in this area. So I would. I'm going to be more interviewing her in a lot of ways. So thank you for joining Stacey, thanks, jackie.

Jacki Lutz: 0:56

And then Jessica delicious, and I love saying delicious because one day, when we had just met, you're like it's like delicious, but with a T, it's the easiest way to remember, and most people are like how do you say her name? I'm like it's delicious with a T, but I have Jessica Toliuszis here, vp of sales for Highline Warren. She's also a former women in auto care chair, very well-known face in the aftermarket, but happy to have her on today. She's definitely an advocate for others in a lot of way for the industry. So a really good perspective to have here on the show.

Jessica Toliuszis: 1:29

I feel really starstruck being here with Jackie I mean, really you're our industry's influencer and then Stacey obviously everyone knows your face, but then the speeches that you've given on the little black book of bragging, so I certainly feel like the outsider here in a panel of stars.

Jacki Lutz: 1:48

Well, thank you, but not true. But, stacey, why don't we just do like a quick little introduction about you know self advocacy, what it means, what kind of, what kind of? What kind of points do you make in your talks?

Stacey Miller: 1:59

Yeah, definitely, and I love this topic because it's super near and dear to my heart.

Stacey Miller: 2:04

It's something very personal.

Stacey Miller: 2:06

You know, at AutoCare we talk about leadership development and professional development how do we prepare our next generation of leaders and the type of content that we bring to women in AutoCare and all of our other interest groups.

Stacey Miller: 2:17

And one of the things that I thought about was the type of advice that I wanted in my career, growing up, essentially, and I remember early on in my career having a real lack of confidence in myself, a lot of imposter syndrome, and suddenly my career just kind of exploded and I became an industry personality, an influencer, and I don't really know where that came from. And I sat down and I thought about it and it came from at its root advocating for myself and being able to brag about what my skills were, brag about, you know, things that I could do or that I wanted to do, and like implementing that in the workplace and kind of taking those leaps that other people perhaps were maybe a little too fearful or a little too nervous to do so. Because I took risks, I was able to achieve really great things at a young age and then kind of brag about that and it turned into this. I don't know for me, you know, I've been told that's.

Stacey Miller: 3:17

You know, one of these really inspiring talks and I never thought it would be that, even though it's such simple advice to be able to just talk about yourself in a way that highlights all of your accomplishments and the things that you can do in order to advance your career. So that was the origination of the little black book of bragging which I've given now to the Young Auto Care Network group, to the Women in Auto Care group. I'm going to be giving it to CarQuest Women's Group soon, so really excited to be doing that.

Jacki Lutz: 3:44

Yeah, it's amazing because I think one thing that is difficult for people like you say it's like these simple things, but not everybody feels super comfortable talking about themselves in that kind of light. So what would you tell somebody who is just kind of feels awkward? You know, I want to. I like the word bragging because it's so bold. It might scare people, it is, but it's advocating for yourself, right? So if you do something really incredible, in my talks for personal branding I always say I actually call it self-promotion.

Jacki Lutz: 4:19

And I say, self-promotion is not arrogance. Self-promotion is acknowledging your hard work and the success you've had right. So if you think about it in that light, how would you tell someone who's kind of awkward or feels weird about talking about great things that they've done or bragging about themselves? How do they get past that and start?

Stacey Miller: 4:40

Yeah, it's funny because I use the word bragging because it immediately does catch your attention and it can seem a little arrogant, a little narcissistic, a little cocky. But you know, growing up, one of the things that I was taught, or that some of my older mentors told me, or you would hear in the workplace, were just keep your head down and do good work and you know, people will notice you. And I thought who the hell gave that advice? How is that even real? And luckily I had more mentors throughout my career different managers, different people in the workplace and what they told me and what they kind of put into perspective was that if you don't speak up about yourself and if you don't ask for the things that you want, nobody else is going to speak up for you.

Stacey Miller: 5:31

So prior to auto care, I worked for a global company. It was like 5,000 people. I was on a marketing team and the marketing team was like I don't know 40 something people at the time and you know my boss goes. How is the CMO supposed to know everything that you do and all of your accomplishments? I've got 40 people to keep track of. So if you're not relaying that information to me and highlighting what you've completed.

Stacey Miller: 5:58

I know what you do in general, but I don't know what you do minute by minute, day by day, hour by hour, and some of those things can be really important depending on what they are. So I want you to create a report and help us track some of these things so we can see, like, what you're growing in, what you're struggling in, and we create, you know, these plans for you to advance your career. And those reports or those plans help become the foundation of my talking points to say, hey, I really want a promotion because I noticed that I did some of these things. They were outside of my job role. Or, hey, there's this new thing that just came out called social media, and I think we should be on the Twitters.

Jacki Lutz: 6:32

And.

Stacey Miller: 6:32

I want to be in charge of it and, as crazy as it is to say, hey, I want you to pay me to be on social media all day. Because I was able to document all of these things and showcase how I could use it for business, help create the case for this brand new role that the company created, and I was like one of the industry's first social media managers at the advent of social media. Like my wildest dream came true and I thought, wow, all because I took the time to document some of the things that I was doing, create a plan around it and actually speak up about myself and talk about it and not be afraid to do it.

Stacey Miller: 7:05

Now I was nervous as hell when I did it Like I was sweating, like my hands were shaking, the ink was like smudged on the paper because there was a drop of sweat right there, but it worked, and so that was a really big lesson for me, both in that advice and then putting it into practice and seeing it actually work to my benefit.

Jacki Lutz: 7:23

Yeah, how does this all make you feel, jessica?

Jessica Toliuszis: 7:26

Well, obviously I think the word bragging works because it has alliteration in it, which is one of my favorite uses of the English language. You know, I heard your talk before it even had that title and it absolutely had an impact on me. And two things I did. One I bought the website Jessica deliciouscom Nice.

Jacki Lutz: 7:47

Oh, good for you.

Jessica Toliuszis: 7:48

I've done nothing with it in 10 years. That's okay.

Jacki Lutz: 7:50

Okay.

Jessica Toliuszis: 7:50

You have it. It's probably expired, um. But I also, I think more importantly, what I've done is I created a little folder which is what you recommended which was having a little brag folder or pray I call it a praise folder, um, and I put anything positive in that folder and I think that's made a big impact on me. I've asked my team members to do the same thing, and we do it as a weekly team activity as well. So we go through and we talk about the stuff we did wrong, because constructive criticism could be one of my love languages, but I think it's important to point out and to be able to admit, as a leader hey, here's a couple of things I screwed up this week. Important to point out and to be able to admit as a leader hey, here's a couple of things I screwed up this week, and let's all learn the lesson from it so that we don't repeat it. And then we also give gratitude for other team members. But, importantly, we also talk about one thing that we're really proud of that we've done.

Jacki Lutz: 8:34

Oh, that's great. Such good practice for everybody. Do you feel pretty comfortable talking about yourself?

Jessica Toliuszis: 8:40

I hate it. I'm usually the only person who doesn't answer the question. They sort of have to push me to do it. But I think there I do love advocating on behalf of other people. I love elevating other people. I think that's one of the reasons that I've really loved building the empower half hour, which is the interview I do once a month. I love learning about someone in their past and their history and their dreams, and thinking about how we as a group or as an industry, can help this person get everything that they want out of life. I love that. I love that there are so many opportunities to elevate other people in this industry.

Jacki Lutz: 9:14

So there's so many great people here to talk about. And I think that it's important for us to eventually talk about advocating for others, because there's a whole nother discussion there, and also the ways that it can come back to you right. It's like there's a bit of a karma involved there, which I definitely think we should get into. I have like a little test question. I want to try this.

Jessica Toliuszis: 9:34

Oh boy, oh no, there were no practice sheets.

Jacki Lutz: 9:37

So say something great happened, you won an award, you won some kind of recognition. How would you phrase that in a way that doesn't turn people off, you know, and that you know people are able to absorb it and be happy for you and make it not sound like necessarily gloating, you know, and kind of like in a negative light? How do you go about phrasing that you?

Stacey Miller: 10:05

know, and kind of like in a negative light. How? How do you go about phrasing that? That's a great question, um, for me, I liked it One. It's a really amazing honor to win an award. I recently won um two years ago the impact award, which is the four under 40 award, and I wasn't expecting it and, um, it's such a huge honor. Even being nominated for an award, I think, is something that you should brag about, even being considered is a huge honor.

Stacey Miller: 10:30

So, for me, one of the things that I thought about when I won that award was one like why did it mean so much to me? Like it's not just hey, I won this award, I'm so great. But here's why this award is relevant to me, here's why I'm going to keep working to make sure that I'm worthy of this award, because for me, it was an industry honor. I felt like the industry puts a lot of trust in me and I want to really serve the industry, so I would talk about that. But one of the things that I also wanted to recognize was I wasn't the only award winner and I was among some really incredible people in the industry. So I remember when I thought about it and I was posting about it and I was doing my brag on LinkedIn, I thought, you know, one of the reasons why this award means so much to me is because I've seen people win this award that I admired and I looked up to in the industry.

Stacey Miller: 11:22

Right when I came here seven years ago, jackie, you were a recipient of the Impact Award and I was like, wow, I really want to be like Jackie and like to be, you know, in the same league, as all of you amazing women sitting next to me today. I thought this is really cool and this is really inspiring, and the way that we lift each other up, we challenge each other to do better in the industry and to be part of that, that field of recognition, those names that people recognize like it's very special. So, you know, honoring the award, honoring the industry and then also honoring other people you know, standing beside me was was kind of one of the ways that I tried to to talk about the award and then use it as a way to brag about and highlight myself. You know, and I you know, I did it in a genuine way. I hope people thought and um.

Jacki Lutz: 12:09

I think so.

Stacey Miller: 12:09

Yeah.

Jacki Lutz: 12:10

Especially since you bring other people in, um, and I feel like it's automatically about you, right? So you almost don't need to say that, and that's kind of a good way to go about it, and I think a lot of that comes through when you're just um, naturally not a gloater, you know, but you're turning this into like something that can help you know, help you advocate for yourself on LinkedIn.

Jessica Toliuszis: 12:32

Before you even brag about it, you have to accept it, and I think so. I think what you said from the beginning is to be really honored. And how do you say thank you without saying thank you but? Or thank you and giving the credit to someone else but saying thank you. I worked really hard for this. I really appreciate it. It means the world that you thought of me in this way, especially coming from you. Thank you.

Jacki Lutz: 12:54

That would be such a great thing to hear. I'm usually the first one to be like thank you so much for this award, but I have to thank so-and-so who helped me, so-and-so who helped me, which is, like all valid. I think that those are important points. But you're so right, that's such a good point. I would love to just hear people say I worked really hard for this. That's a really good way to put it.

Jessica Toliuszis: 13:17

For me maybe that's my butt. Somebody a mentor has actually said Jessica, I think that's your butt is saying I worked really hard for it. But I think it's important to say thank you, and I know that thank you period is a full sentence, but it's also thank you, I did work really hard for this and I really appreciate the fact that you noticed it, because I am one of those people who likes to just put my head down and work really hard, and I think Sally Krawcheck said that most of the decisions about your career happen in rooms that you are not in, and so I have believed I'm going to put my head down, I'm going to work really hard, but if somebody acknowledges it, I want to say thank you. Thank you for noticing the work that I did.

Jacki Lutz: 13:56

Yeah, and like doing that advocating for yourself especially on platforms like LinkedIn, where it's really a one to many approach Just that much more people know that much about you. You know that you're now an awarded professional, whatever it might be. It creates a lot of voices for you when you're not in the room, just automatically. And that kind of brings us into this whole advocating for others piece of this, because I find the more you advocate for others, the more they advocate back for you, and somebody has to start that.

Jacki Lutz: 14:28

And, jessica, that's something that you do on an, I would argue, an industry-wide basis, thank you, and you've done that for me. You've advocated for me in a lot of ways, gotten me on stages and things like that. And, stacey, you do that too, specifically with your team and within AutoCare, do that too, specifically with your team, and you know, within auto care, you advocate for people, but also on an industry-wide basis. I've heard you, you know, compliment other people and it's so refreshing to hear people do that for people that are not in the room, and I think the more you do that and the more that the people that you're advocating for are aware of it, it comes back to you in a lot of ways.

Jessica Toliuszis: 15:02

Yeah, I have certainly not always had a lot of confidence. I don't even know that I could say that I have a lot of confidence now, but one of the things that I think about every year when I'm setting goals is being a better friend to myself, and I can be a great friend to others. So if anybody is ever having a moment of doubt, I would love to talk to you and be that good friend and that voice that you need in your head. I think for me, bragging about other people is wonderful. I see light in every single person and I see a special gift, and both of you obviously know that you have it.

Jessica Toliuszis: 15:36

You are amazing women who have driven our industry into the place in the future that it's going towards, and I don't know that I'm that person right. So I'm really in awe and I feel really grateful that you brought me into this conversation. But the things that I do like to brag about are the amazing things that our team is doing, and so one of the things that we've started doing for our decks that we do with customers is our first slide, is our award-winning partnership, and we talk about all of the things that we've done that deserve awards, whether you've given us one or not, and I'm really grateful that our team has been awarded quite a bit. But I want to remind them that right from the beginning that that's that's the kind of partnership that we strive to have and that each person on the team is working to have an intentional bias towards our customers every day.

Jacki Lutz: 16:19

Yes, I love that and I can actually speak for you. So for anyone listening who needs a friend and needs a little bit of a pep talk, jessica, you've given me one before. I don't know if you remember or maybe it wasn't as relevant to you, but maybe about a year ago it was the first time that I kind of received criticism for what I do on LinkedIn you know, and doing all the you know, personal branding stuff and, and you know, advocating for myself on LinkedIn.

Jacki Lutz: 16:41

Who criticized you. Don't let me say it here. You know it probably wasn't my first criticism. It was the first time it got back to me, right, and I was like frozen couldn't post. And I remember, jessica, you were one of the people that kind of like, where you been, you know, and I told you the story and you're like I am so sorry that they couldn't see what you're bringing to the table, you know, you know were advocates for me and they were automatically behind me on my side and being like do not stop. Like we want to see you back out there, don't stop what you're doing. And it was because of those advocates that you know I could keep going and do more. So I can. If you're ever doubting yourself, jessica delicious is a really good person to have in your pocketbook. It's not. I don't.

Stacey Miller: 17:30

I'm sorry, it's nuts to hear you say I don't know if I have the confidence today or had the confidence, because you're like a coach, a mentor, a cheerleader to so many people right and I think you know, jackie, what you're talking about.

Stacey Miller: 17:45

When you put it out in the universe, you get it back. I think you're incredibly admired by the industry because of how you lift other people up. I remember times in corporate where you know it's a big company, there's lots of people and managers don't have the time to give the recognition, nor do they even know what type of recognition drives all of their hundreds of employees, sometimes right, like they don't really take the time. So even if you're not a manager and you're a peer, you're not a manager and you're a peer, you're a colleague. You're even on another team providing that one-on-one in a public setting, it doesn't matter. Those type of things are really what give people those little boosts to take their career to the next level, because maybe they never believed that they could do something more, because maybe the person who was directly in charge of them didn't say it, but someone else that maybe they admired on that team did, and that that's a huge step, that's a really big push that you're giving to other people. So kudos, kudos to you.

Jessica Toliuszis: 18:41

Thank you, that's really beautiful. Thank you for saying that.

Jacki Lutz: 18:43

And really, when you advocate for people on that level, you almost don't need to advocate for yourself, because I'm pretty sure you have an army behind you. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you have an army behind you.

Jacki Lutz: 18:55

You know talking about you in rooms that you're not in. I would love to tell a story about, you know, advocating for others. So when I first got this role and you know, obviously I was going to be reporting to Stacey, who brought me on to auto care, thank goodness. But the first, you know, when I, when I started telling people, you know, like the day before it was going to be announced, I, you know, I told him I was going to auto care, I was going to be working on Stacy's team, and so many of people quite close to me I couldn't believe how many people were like oh, rivalry, what. That was like the first thing that came out of everyone's mouth and I was heartbroken about it and I immediately went to my husband in tears. I'm like, that's not what I want this to be, and I was just like kind of like, why can't there be two strong women on a team? Like it, just it. It upset me and I immediately texted Stacey. I'm like, why are people saying this? And she laughed.

Jacki Lutz: 19:49

It was ridiculous. She just like F, that you know kind of thing. And so when I kind of like tiptoed into this role kind of wondering what is this going to be like, you know Stacey and I were pretty good friends before we worked together and you know you don't want to mess with that and all that, you know I just that produced fears that I didn't have before and I can't get over and I hope I never get over how Stacey kind of took the lead in this situation and she kept elevating me Like anytime something great. Like you know, we have a lot of similar goals, also different strengths, and you know we both love the public speaking. You know scene. We both love, you know, social media. We, you know we have a lot of the same goals in our careers and that's where I was like, well, maybe there's going to be something here, but every time something good happened to me, stacy was the first one to want to put a press release out, to want to like it, share it, and she's just become such a huge advocate for me and took the lead in that to where all I want to do is advocate for her Because I know she has my back. I know that there isn't this rivalry. She's proved that through action, so we can literally just kick ass together and not have to do that.

Jacki Lutz: 21:02

And it's all coming from this very public advocacy that you know, you really took the lead on, which I really appreciate because I was really nervous about how this would go. But it's, it's. It shows, like, the power of advocating for others, and I think we're not really. You know, I don't know what your guys' you know upbringing was like, you know, career wise, but I didn't always have that from, you know, women in my life. So, stacey, you were one of the first not the first, but one of the first women, uh, in the in the industry that I really felt like had my back like 100%, and that's really a big deal, I think. And I just think about, like, think of the grand scale that you're doing that on, jessica. You know the people that you're doing that for. It's huge.

Jessica Toliuszis: 21:46

Thank you. I think societally, we love to have a Deadpool versus Wolverine. There's not Deadpool and Wolverine, right, it's the two of them against each other. And so I think, societally, we try to pit people against each other versus thinking how incredible it could be as as the Avengers, as a team together. I'm speechless right now.

Stacey Miller: 22:06

Yeah, honestly, like that makes me really emotional because it's, you know, the power of saying something good about someone else and lifting them up. It's so simple, like why is this so hard? It shouldn't be. And look at what can happen, right, you advocate for others, you create community, you create team, you advocate for yourself, you can advance your career, and it's like it's not that hard guys.

Jessica Toliuszis: 22:33

No, you can be an awe-inspiring duo. It really shocks me that that was the response that you got from multiple people. That not because when I first saw it I thought, whoa, what a team, what kind of incredible things are they going to do.

Stacey Miller: 22:47

That's what we wanted. It's almost unfair.

Jessica Toliuszis: 22:49

They just created four podcasts overnight with branding and alliteration and all of the beautiful things that you're going to be able to do together. So you know, I would think it's probably says more about them than it says about you too. A hundred percent.

Jacki Lutz: 23:05

Yeah, probably.

Stacey Miller: 23:07

And you know this industry is. We're so lucky we're in this industry because I think it's a lot more different here than other industries. There's a lot more of a family feel. There's a lot more of we've got your back. There's a lot more of I'm in this industry for life. I'm a lifer. You know the last industry I came from. It was very like dog eat dog. I will stab you in the back for this position and I'll make stuff up about you because I don't like that. You got this promotion Like true story. So I had to actually deal with a lot of adversity as I was climbing the corporate ladder because, hater, what was the Taylor Swift lyric?

Jacki Lutz: 23:43

Oh, people throw rocks at things that shine.

Stacey Miller: 23:45

Yeah, jackie, with the Taylor Swift, like haters gonna hate, and so you know I would advocate for myself in that industry and get torn down, and so it took a while for me to get that confident to do that here. But here I think it's a lot more. It's more welcoming, it's more facilitating, like people have an understanding. I don't think people here are out to backstab each other. So there's something also very unique here that we should take advantage of, because of the fact that we are here in the auto care industry.

Missy Stevens: 24:18

Are you a woman in the auto care industry? Are you looking for ways to get involved and share your voice? I'm Missy Stevens, Community Engagement Manager for Women in Auto Care. Women in Auto Care is a free member community where women gather to network and develop on a professional level. I would love to hear from you and talk to you more about our programming. We offer resources and events to connect women from all channels of the industry. Learn more about what Women in Auto Care has to offer at autocareorg and join today for free.

Jessica Toliuszis: 24:41

I think one of the books that you and I have talked about before is the Four Agreements.

Jacki Lutz: 24:44

Oh, yes, my annual read.

Jessica Toliuszis: 24:47

Yes, it's very short, it's very easy to read. It's Four Agreements, so it's pretty quick. But the first one is being impeccable with your word, and I think most often we reference that as being impeccable with your word to others. So don't say to Jackie, hey, I can't wait to see the Deadpool versus Wolverine version of the you and Stacey show. But really it's also about being impeccable with your word to yourself, and I think that spirals back to confidence and about bragging. And your word to yourself, and I think that spirals back to confidence and about bragging.

Jessica Toliuszis: 25:15

And if you're not saying it to yourself, then other people aren't thinking it. So you have to say it, you have to believe it, you have to repeat it and I think, more than just saying it in your head or thinking it, I think a really important lesson is writing it down. I'm going to mess up the statistics and I'm a salesperson, so ignore my statistics, but it's something like you're 90% more likely to accomplish something If you write it down. You're you're 90% more likely to believe it if you actually put pen to paper and write it down. So if you're having maybe a moment of struggle, I think that's probably a good thing to do is to write down as a reminder. You know I'm great.

Missy Stevens: 25:46

This is going to be good.

Jessica Toliuszis: 25:47

I'm going to be impeccable with my word to Jackie and to Stacy, and to Stacey and to other people and to myself yeah, I love that.

Stacey Miller: 25:52

I really. I mean, documenting is such a big part about this whole concept of self-advocacy, so I Live and Die by Tassless. Like Jess has got her little checklist in front of her as well, I'm really jealous that I don't have one.

Jessica Toliuszis: 26:06

We'll talk about it afterwards. I love to sell them to people. I will buy one on the spot.

Stacey Miller: 26:11

Great salesperson, I will buy one on the spot. Great salesperson, but making the list for yourself but then making them for others as well, especially when you lead teams. Because, like we talked about that folder that I make, so yours is called the praise folder the praise folder. Mine is called cool shit and literally if I get, because I'm in marketing.

Stacey Miller: 26:31

I don't know. I just gravitate towards stuff like that because I remember it Right and it makes me chuckle and throughout my day. And you know I'll get an email that's a reply. That's like, you know, did a really great job on this. Or hey, really loved what your team did. And I'll just it takes a second and people don't take the time to do this in the moment, but like I click and I just drag things into that folder or um, or, if it's not an email and it's something else, I'll take a screenshot of it, just clip it, drag it into that folder and within a couple of months I have this entire archive of praise.

Stacey Miller: 27:02

And it's either for myself, it's for my team, it's people that I work with, and it's a snowball effect because one if you don't have the confidence in what you're doing, or you're not sure if you're doing things right, you can always look at that folder and say, okay, here's where I know, you know I'm moving in the right direction, because not everybody has a platform like at AutoCare. We have this recognized platform where you can say, hey, you did a really good job on that project. I love working with you to help lift each other up. Not everybody has that. But if you're documenting when things are happening on the day to day I know it can be a hard habit to get into those things snowball and then you realize, wow, I've really built something here and you can use that again as collateral to move forward and take the next step.

Stacey Miller: 27:44

Whether that's you or for your team, or even for a colleague that maybe you know, you've created a mentorship or a partnership that you want to see succeed. Right, like I see people in my organization and I want to make sure that they're being uplifted and I'm like, hey, do you remember when this thing happened? I just wanted to make sure you you know you documented this because you should use this in a performance conversation or you should make sure that you bring this up at some point, because I'm not sure that everybody saw this. But I'm really proud of you and I love what you did and it made a great impact. It took me 30 seconds to do Like. Imagine the impact that could have on someone.

Jessica Toliuszis: 28:18

Yeah, taking a moment to show the gratitude and kudos, but I think one of the misses that I'm doing is a lot of times I'm saying it to them in person or on the phone, but I think it would probably be more impactful to also take the moment right afterwards and send it as a note so that they could have that and they could continue to build their book.

Stacey Miller: 28:35

The power of handwritten notes. Oh my gosh.

Jacki Lutz: 28:38

If you're ever on a team's call with me, my whole wall is full of every letter. Like you know, when I, when I was on the women in auto care council, jessica, you would always give us like a little note every meeting and it would say just like thank you for all you do. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I kept all of those. They are all on my wall Anytime. You know, when I was laid off and a bunch of people were sending me letters, you know like handwritten letters from people in the industry, and they're all on my wall and that's something that I get to look at all day long.

Missy Stevens: 29:08

Wow.

Jacki Lutz: 29:08

And just like the support that I have, you know, in an industry which is kind of unheard of, right, that's not actually normal, but amazing at the same time.

Stacey Miller: 29:16

Do you ever look at all those notes and think, God, I'm such an imposter.

Jessica Toliuszis: 29:21

No, they don't. They don't know me, they know the real me. Worked really hard.

Jacki Lutz: 29:27

No, um. A lot of them, though, are more about like, just encouraging me to keep going, which is like what I think I always need. You know. You know, especially if you do things in a little bit more of a public sense, you never know, like, ok, are people sick of me yet? Is it, is it fresh enough, or is it the same stuff you know? So when you get that kind of encouragement, I really hang on to it, because it helps me keep going for a little while longer till I get the next one. So don't stop sending them.

Stacey Miller: 29:57

So when you got that negative LinkedIn comment and then you kind of shrunk back a little bit, you said you stopped posting for a while. Yeah, yeah, wow.

Jacki Lutz: 30:04

Probably like it had to be like a month. Yeah, I mean I should have my husband on and he could talk. He could talk about the spiral I was in, like I would, I would go, you know, to post and I would just be like overthinking it, like you know, kind of, when you start posting on LinkedIn, you know how you just overthink everything. You're like everyone's gonna be throwing tomatoes at me publicly, if you know, thinking through every single post so hard. I started doing that again, just spiraling, like couldn't actually click post, you know, and I just felt like you know, if I did that, it was going to be those people kind of mocking me and it wasn't. It wasn't a comment, it was something that was said at an event and kind of a group of people and then multiple people told me about it so I didn't know exactly who it was.

Jacki Lutz: 30:49

I just know what was said in the concern and, like you know, it was kind of like a you know more of like a poking fun at me kind of thing, which was like heartbreaking. So, like every single thing I wanted to try to put out, I'm like are they going to make fun of this? Is there some, is there something in here make fun of all? You know, just overthinking everything and it took me a while but it took. It took probably like 10 people to. You know, kind of like virtually slapping me across the face and being like why are you listening to the? This is what my husband said he's like why are you listening to like the five people, the five negative voices? Why aren't you listening to all of the encouragement you get? Why aren't you looking at this wall of letters and focusing on that? Why are you focusing on the negative? It's just so easy to do.

Jessica Toliuszis: 31:31

It's louder and you lose the authenticity when you're focusing on that negative voice. And we all have. We all have a negative voice and we all have a positive voice and it's a matter of turning the volume down on one and the volume up on the other and replacing one word with another word. I'm really sorry you went through that. And I'm so glad that you're back and that you're your authentic self. You inspire all of us to be better.

Jacki Lutz: 31:53

Oh, thank you. I'm actually glad it happened now yeah. You know, because, like it, it taught me I actually read a book shortly after that, and it was all about people pleasing.

Missy Stevens: 32:02

And.

Jacki Lutz: 32:02

I went to my husband. I'm like, wait, am I a people pleaser? Like I'm just basing everything I do off of pleasing people. So when, when people aren't pleased with it, I cave, I'm just like a you know pile of mush and he goes yeah, jackie, you're a people pleaser. And so like it's put me on this you know kind of mission to to correct that, you know, and like start looking at other areas of my life where I might be, you know, pointing at, you know pointing a goal at what I don't even want. It's not even the right direction. I'm just trying to please other people and it's taking me further from where I actually want to go.

Jessica Toliuszis: 32:36

Yeah. So that moment of radical candor, even though it was perhaps in the negative sense you were able to find the positive. Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful we. I think that if like true love and true bragging, really you also have to be able to talk about the constructive criticism. I think.

Jessica Toliuszis: 32:53

I said it's one of my love languages. I would much prefer you to tell me hey, hey, jessica, you've got. You know you have food in your teeth, or hey, what you said earlier really made me feel uncomfortable. Please don't ever say that again. I would much prefer that people pop the bubble um, rather than like you were talking about. Somebody said it behind your back or at a different event or without you in the room. It would be much better to pick up the phone and say hey, jackie, you put one line in there. That's kind of weird.

Missy Stevens: 33:16

Why don't you take that one out?

Jessica Toliuszis: 33:18

You misspelled something. Did you realize it?

Jacki Lutz: 33:21

Yeah, it's true. Yeah, I think it's just, you know. I think it just goes to show how important it is to advocate for others, to lift each other up, to encourage people, because you never know what they're going through and when they need to hear it the most. And I think, the more you do it, you just never know who you're touching. You know, and I think both of you do that on a daily basis and I just hope you continue to do it and you're teaching people like me to do more of it too. You know, I really try to do it, but I don't think it's. It needs to be more of a priority, you know needs to be more of a priority.

Jessica Toliuszis: 33:53

You know, yeah, one of my goals this year was to write a kudos note every week. What minor emails. I'm not I don't mail a lot of letters, I own a lot of stamps but just a quick kudos email, hey, so and so on. Your team did a great job. Just wanted to say thank you. We appreciated it made a big difference for the customer yeah that's great. That's all it takes sometimes. Yeah, I think that's great.

Stacey Miller: 34:12

Two sentences I keep every single one of those, every single one, and I think most people who receive them do too. Yeah, I hope so.

Jessica Toliuszis: 34:21

I try to make sure it goes to their boss too. Yeah, oh that's good, because not everybody's ears are open to the compliment.

Jacki Lutz: 34:28

That's a good point. And just in case they don't advocate, advocate for themselves to their boss you already did.

Jessica Toliuszis: 34:33

Well, I'm helping them write their performance review. Yeah, that's good.

Jacki Lutz: 34:37

Yeah.

Stacey Miller: 34:38

I'm trying to reserve my words for whoever made you feel that way, jackie, because, um you're. You're probably not the only one that's gone through something like that.

Stacey Miller: 34:49

Right and it's. It's crushing to hear that you know you're doing good for yourself and then somebody sewed doubt in you and what you were doing and I mean we know you're a superstar and for for that to happen and then for that to sew down you with all the proof and all the trophies and all the cards that you have on the wall, like is ridiculous. And it's even more proof about how self-advocacy is probably one of the most powerful tools that you can have in your toolbox because, you're being heard, you're being seen, you're advancing your career, you're getting awards, you're getting recognition, and here we are.

Stacey Miller: 35:28

So you know that's just how the world works sometimes. And if I drop off a LinkedIn for a week or two, now, you know that's just how the world works sometimes. And if I drop off a linkedin for a week or two, now, you know why because I get, I haven't had a comment. But I've also just like felt self-conscious because the other part of it is like how do you balance the brag?

Jacki Lutz: 35:45

like how do you?

Stacey Miller: 35:45

make sure that you're not being obnoxious with it and going overboard and every single day saying I did something so great on the shit right, like nobody wants to hear it in that way.

Jacki Lutz: 35:58

Um so sometimes I get self-conscious and I'm like all right, I'm not going to post anything about myself this week and I'm going to people need to remember too.

Jacki Lutz: 36:03

like we're all just trying to figure it out, right? Like no, there's no playbook for this. Like you know how to brag on LinkedIn without annoying people. Like you know how to brag on LinkedIn without annoying people. Like you know, just, we're all just trying our best.

Jacki Lutz: 36:13

So, giving people a little bit of grace, to figure that out, especially when I first see someone just starting to post on LinkedIn and they do a post like that. Like that is so hard to do. Like, if you can just scroll through your LinkedIn feed and think about how difficult it is for people to put themselves out there, you should just be liking and sharing everything just because you just want to keep encouraging this behavior. And you know, people just seem to look at LinkedIn like it's this platform that you know it's so serious and everything has to be so perfect and it's going to be there forever. It's still just social media and I think being human and being authentic is really important and if we sit there and judge everybody for what they're putting out there, it's not conducive behavior to help our industry do more of that and brag about themselves, brag about their companies and then also brag about our industry.

Jessica Toliuszis: 37:03

I think you asked that question at one of your talks. You said hey, have you ever looked at LinkedIn and thought ugh, hate Stacey's post today?

Jacki Lutz: 37:09

No, you don't do that. That's not the way I'm looking at it, and if you are, shame on you, shame on you. If it's a misspelling, call her and tell her.

Jessica Toliuszis: 37:18

Let's talk about it and let's make sure, because our greatest potential is not really holding our sparks inside of us, but our greatest potential is the sparks that we're creating among each other.

Stacey Miller: 37:32

And let's make sure that they're fireworks and not bombs.

Jacki Lutz: 37:34

Oh, that's right. Wow, that's. That's the sound clip of the episode, right?

Jessica Toliuszis: 37:36

there, love it, love it, wow. So I don't call me Taylor Swift, I can't, I just so let's do a round Robin.

Jacki Lutz: 37:46

What do we hope the most that people take away?

Jessica Toliuszis: 37:50

today. I so my favorite quote, Maya Angelou. I say it all the time, but people forget what you said and people will forget what you did. So people are gonna forget everything that we said, but I think you can, I hope you can see and feel the feelings that we have here, and that's what Maya Angelou says. People will forget what you said. They'll forget what you did. They're gonna forget this conversation, but hopefully it will make them feel something.

Stacey Miller: 38:12

I felt something with your quote, so I'm kind of speechless still. I mean my. My whole thing is is to take the leap. Like what are you? What are you afraid of? Sure, we're afraid of being bullied on the internet or someone making a snide comment about our success or the way that we conduct ourselves. But what's the worst that could happen? By highlighting your own accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem, documenting them and talking about them in a way that highlights you and your growth. You have nothing to lose from that, and there's lots of different tactics and ways to do that, whether that's digitally, whether that's in person. But think about your goals, think about where you want to go and start documenting and sharing those things, because they're going to help push you even further into that room where the decisions are being made, as Jessica said.

Jacki Lutz: 39:02

Yeah, and you know something. I guess my takeaway something I always say in the personal branding talks is people do business with people they know, like and trust.

Missy Stevens: 39:09

Right.

Jacki Lutz: 39:09

And I really think LinkedIn is such a good platform for just more people to know you. You know in the, in the way you approach it. If you take some of these tips, it's going to help people like you. You know and understand where you're coming from and see your authentic self, and people are really going to start to trust you when you can advocate for yourself in a consistent basis and show and you need to be able to share those successes, the success stories. People want to see the success stories.

Jacki Lutz: 39:35

I also think that you can balance it, like you said, stacey, with you know where did you fail, what did you learn. You know like there's other things you can put out there too that help keep you on a level playing field, but like you can still talk about that award you won or that promotion you got, or that you know that that win you got, whatever it might be, um, and just you know. Practice on LinkedIn, I think, would be mine, cause you can. Really. I don't encourage people to overthink their posts, but if you're very nervous it's a good practice, because the more you post and you can read through it and change it as many times as you want until you're comfortable to push posts the more you do that, though that becomes the voice in your head. So when you are in front of your boss or you are in front of other people and you want to advocate for yourself, you have all those words and those points in the back of your head that you've already used.

Jessica Toliuszis: 40:20

Yeah, and stop throwing rocks at things that sparkle.

Jacki Lutz: 40:23

Yeah, yeah, because we're all going to sparkle together. Yeah, yes, thank you so much, guys. This was a really good one.

Stacey Miller: 40:30

I teared up like half the time Did you cry.

Jacki Lutz: 40:33

It was just a little. There's the lights in here Really bright. Allergies Dusty.

Jessica Toliuszis: 40:40

Thank you. Thank you, this was really beautiful. I was honored that you asked me to be a part of this conversation. Thank you.

Jacki Lutz: 40:46

You were an obvious choice. I hope I get to come back. Oh, obviously. Oh my God, anytime, anytime. We'll give you a key, just show up.

Jessica Toliuszis: 40:56

Thank you, thanks, jackie.

Jacki Lutz: 40:58

Thanks, stacey. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Auto Care On Air. Make sure to subscribe to our podcast so that you never miss an episode, and don't forget to leave us a rating and review. It helps others discover our show. Auto Care On Air is proud to be a production of the AutoCare Association, dedicated to advancing the auto care industry and supporting professionals like you. To learn more about the association and its initiatives, visit autocareorg.